So as I’m sure you’ve gathered, reading this blog for as long as you have, that I lived in Hawaii for ten years. I started my career there, I really formed my personality there. While I suffered from serious goldfish syndrome, not really hitting my stride until I was here in Austin…Hawaii will always hold a special place in my heart.
While we were there, I found myself time after time staring at the horizon, feeling this yearning that I couldn’t articulate. I realize now it was just extreme nostalgia, with a hint of missing what was, but it was achy and anxiety fueling for eight straight days. I found myself distracted, my brain filled with so many memories…and most of them bad. It was weird, realizing some of my best memories were with my old border collie, swimming in calm blue waters or in moments where I had paused, to count my blessings. But the majority of memories were exes, were of arguments and abuse. I found myself just so anxious the whole time, struggling to ignore the negative emotions.
Yet, despite all that, I traveled with Brian…feeling so blessed to share this with him. I introduced him to my favorite restaurants, some of my favorite beaches, some of my favorite friends. We talked, we cruised and listened to music, we read books, we held hands. We missed a flight, we paid $250 to sleep in an emergency hotel for six hours, my new luggage got destroyed, we spent too much on food. Through it all, we stuck together and barely bickered. He made me realize how lucky I am to find a partner who loves me the way he does. I can’t wait to tell you more about him, because I’m decisively in complete love with this man and he is the best friend I’ve ever had, in my entire life.
It was the first time I didn’t have screaming matches with a partner every day of travel. I remember last year going to Jamaica with Dustin and wanting to murder him because his mere existence drove me insane. I remember going to Maui with Mike and getting into a fight about whether you could really get lost on an island and if it was ACTUALLY a big deal (it wasn’t, but he disagreed). Here I was, on Oahu, feeling blissed out because I got to wake up next to my best friend, caress his back and tell him how special he is. Life has finally become what I’ve always wanted it to be and I’m not taking a second of it for granted.
We are now planning a couple trips, one to Harry Potter World and then Amsterdam. I’m excited to travel with him more, honestly. Make new memories, leave behind the bad ones. As it should be.