What is a love party?
A term that is becoming more popular, but what is a love party—exactly?
A love party is an alternative to weddings, where the focus is more on having a blast with your friends and family. It’s less about focusing on the numerous expectations that surround weddings and more geared towards having an epic party.
I had a client recently talk to me about planning their wedding. We’ll call them “Hermione.” See, Hermione was having a little bit of an issue, because when they had booked me a year before, they had an idea of what their wedding would be like. As planning continued, Hermione found themselves being slaughtered with ideas from well-intentioned friends and family. Their mother insisted on a traditional white dress, but Hermione wanted a muted blue one. Their father was insisting that his high school friend DJ the wedding. This made Hermione secretly cringe, ever since the DJ asked if the chicken dance was an okay option after the cake cutting. *shutter*
On top of it all, a bridesmaid that they’ve known since they were five-years-old kept making everything about herself and refused to help with any of the planning. Needless to say, Hermione was overwhelmed as f*ck.
The wedding eventually went off without a hitch, but it made me think about how the wedding industry is structured. Every website, expo, and event that people attend, the info provided is constantly telling my clients what they should do. What they should like. What they should spend money on. It becomes too much really quickly and far too often, clients losing their minds up to their wedding day. It’s heartbreaking because they should be excited and instead, they’re too exhausted to even answer an email.
So I’m here now, to give you permission. You have permission to do it however the hell you want. You have permission to create a Love Party or Wedding however you want. You have permission to make it all about you and your partner.
Let’s discuss a few key differences between a love party and a wedding. First off, the word “wedding” has some serious chains attached to it, whether we realize it or not. Think about the hundreds, nay, thousands of years, of tradition and beliefs that humans have developed about weddings. A great example is the garter toss, which is all about ripping clothing off of a virgin bride. I’ve made a whole list of different wedding traditions sources. Now, it can be a fun part of the night but more often than not, brides are cringing and embarrassed about being put on sexual display in front of friends and family. Especially their dad. Their faces…oh goodness, their dad’s faces…it’s enough to never do a garter toss ever again (and trust me, dudes hate it!).
You don’t have to do that. Your wedding will be perfectly fine without these traditions.
Another difference between a love party and a wedding is the legalities of it all. Sure, if you’re a monogamous hetero-normative couple, this doesn’t affect you. Which is fine, no shame my babes! But some people exist outside of normal society and still deserve love and commitment. A love party can be sans traditions and legalities, like this amazing polyamorous wedding. Sometimes, a love party is just dressing up, eating good food, and dancing until past midnight. Like a Saturday night, but elevated with better clothes and goodies. And food, maybe.
No government. No churches. No religion. Just a kickass love party with everyone you love.
As society shifts, so does how we approach religion, gender, sexuality, and most importantly, relationships. The LGBTQA+ community is gaining space in our society and it’s so important that the wedding industry adjusts. I personally loathe the term “same-sex,” because it’s as limiting as a hetero-normative society when really, humans are diverse and complex beyond being “hetero” or “homo.” I know that I’m more than just a feminine human with short hair I’m willing to bet you’re more than what the world sees, too. We all are.
So I’m here to give you permission to buck the traditions and give the middle finger to whoever wants to try and control how you celebrate your commitment to your partner. Tell them to f*ck off and eat a cookie, because your party is going to be alllllll about you and your partner. OWN YOUR EXPERIENCE!
At the end of the day, you should build a love party experience that wholly reflects who you and your partner are, entirely. If you want a costume wedding, do it. If you want to wear white and have a bouquet, awesome. If you hate cake, eat pie. If you want your cat at your wedding, let’s make it happen. Of course! Please understand that you can do this if you decide to have a wedding. However, once you use the W word, the approach tends to change.
Creatrix celebrate the diversity of humans and the complexity that exists within us. All I want is for my clients to have an amazing Wedding Day/Love Party, where they can’t stop smiling. I wish for my clients, more than anything, that they are anxiety-free, excited and head to their grand exit wishing the day could be frozen forever in time (hellooooo photography benefit #4728).
Still not quite sold on the idea of a love party? Here are five reasons why you should have a love party!
You want to save money!
I mean, weddings are expensive. It’s entirely true that once you apply the W-word to anything, it increases in price. THIS DOES NOT MEAN LIE ABOUT YOUR EVENT. I’m not endorsing deceit. However, if it’s just a big party with your friends who are wearing nice clothes, you don’t need to tell your caterer what the event is. Naturally, if you order bouquets, they’re gonna know what’s up. However, do you need a professional officiant for an event that isn’t marriage-centered? Probably not.
You just want to have one hell of a rager!
I think everyone should have at least one party in their life that is just epic. Good food, music, and time with friends. That’s what a wedding boils down to…sorta. Weddings have so many traditions attached, which was discussed earlier. Just have a big party where you dress up and boogie down.
Less self-absorbed people.
People cannot stop making weddings about themselves and I’m not talking about the ones getting married. Family members start feuds over weddings. Just look on the “Am I the Asshole?” forum on Reddit. Hell, in the last ten years I’ve seen families never speak again because of this or that. Mother of the grooms showing up in white. Bridemaids being unacceptably stubborn about dresses (just be grateful they aren’t puffy like they used to be!). For LGBT weddings, whole families won’t show up. When you make it a party, it’s one step closer to ensuring your Aunt Felicia Karen won’t make it about her. Again.
Circumvent the law
Stick it to the man! Why is marriage only considered “legitimate” if the government is involved? It’s such an archaic belief and sorta reminds me of primae noctis. You know that scene in Braveheart where that asshole dude rides up on a horse and steals the bride so he can have sex with her first? That’s primae noctis. While our government officials, like Ted Cruz (shudder), don’t arrive at weddings and demand sex, the government still wants to be involved in something that has literally, absolutely nothing to do with it. It’s as if the government is saying, “we must validate your love before you do.” How does that make sense?
Because you want to
The final and best reason of all to have a love party? Because you want to. That’s really all that you need to “justify” (you don’t have to justify shit) your choice to have a love party. it’s your life, no one else’s. That will literally never change, so you might as well do something for yourself (and your partner(s)). Would you let your Mom plan your thirtieth birthday party? I mean, maybe. But you’d have the majority input, right? The same goes for a baby shower or housewarming. Love parties are just on a bigger scale and nicer venues. You just have to reframe how to view love parties and weddings!
Alright, there we go! I hope I’ve answered your question about what a love party is. Maybe you’ve changed your mind. Maybe I helped you make a decision. Either way, it’s all about making an informed decision and in theory, this blog should do that.
Feeling burnt out? Make sure to head over to these self-care tips while you plan your wedding! Feeling depressed? That’s normal! Here is my ultimate guide to planning a wedding with depression and anxiety!