If you’re like most people, this is probably only your first or second rodeo (no shame if it’s more, I have three ex-husbands!). So with all of the info out there, telling you what to do or not to do…it can get kind of loud. I’ve done over 300 weddings in almost nine years and let me tell you: there are some things you just shouldn’t do. Of course, I’m not trying to boss you around. Do what you want, I value autonomy.
Thou shalt not give a shit about other people’s opinions.
Easier said than done, right? Yet, who is the day about? Is your mom marrying your partner? No? Then who cares how she feels about vanilla bean cream cake or if the DJ plays music she doesn’t agree with. Of course, I’m not saying start a blood feud! Just remember, this day is about your own personal commitment. That should always be the most important focus.
Thou shalt not stay up until trust a family friend or your Aunt to take photos on one of the most important days of your life.
Let me tell you, your Aunt Janice sucks at photography. She probably also sucks at coordinating weddings. 9/10 times, I cringe when a client tells me their aunt will be in charge of planning the big day. Aunts do not feel beholden to being professional and a team player. You’re their baby, she’s there only for you, the rest can figure itself out. Most professionals are team players, but if someone cannot step back from their biases to get the job done, the job will rarely get done correctly.
Thou shalt not focus too hard on the small things. No one cares about the texture of your napkins.
Some brides are so hyper Type A and controlling, the texture does matter. But those brides don’t hire me, thank gods. What your friends and family care about is: are you happy? Is the food good? Where is your registry? So save some energy, screw the napkins and find a solid band. Or a taco truck. Or a llama. You know, things that matter.
So save some energy, screw the napkins and find a solid band. Or a taco truck. Or a llama. You know, things that matter.
Thou shalt not covet expensive Pinterest weddings you can’t afford.
Look, I like Pinterest too. All those recipes and DIY suggestions I’ll never do, but I feel productive just by pinning them…but those stunning weddings, with gilded tiny ponies and $150 piece stationary set…they’re VERY expensive. The average wedding is around $28k, but most Pinterest weddings begin around $70k. You do you boo, but I’d rather buy a house. LOL
Thou shalt not do traditions simply because it’s the thing to do.
Humans and their obsession with traditions, amirite? Yet, most traditions are rooted in some weird shit and thus, it is okay to not do it. Most of the industry, for example, *hates* the garter belt toss. Read the above blog for more information about it, but let’s just say some parts of patriarchy need to die faster than others. Your wedding won’t be jinxed if you have a first look, you won’t be possessed by evil spirits if you don’t wear a veil, your marriage won’t fall apart if you aren’t a virgin on the wedding day. It’s time to claim your big day all for yourself. It’s almost 2020. Hindsight tells us how RIDICULOUS tradition can be.
Thou shalt not demand your bridesmaids lose weight or alter their appearance to fit your ascetic.
Seriously, friend, don’t do this. Don’t be like this crazy bitch or this crazy bitch. I mean, none of my clients would ever ever ever ever behave this way. But still, something to consider when you feel the brain gremlins sneaking in, telling you everything needs to be *perfect*.
Thou shalt not feed your vendors crappy bento box vendor meals.
Your vendors work so hard for you. Hours upon hours for education, cultivation and dedication. The very least you can do is make sure they have a hot meal to eat. I was once fed spam at a wedding, while the guests ate something that definitely wasn’t spam. Nothing kills my creativity faster than crappy food or no food at all. Think about yourself, what would you like to eat when you’re working 8-12 hours a day? Probably something hot and filling, right? Just think of the golden rule for vendor meals: feed others the way you’d like to be fed.
Thou shalt not force yourself to lose weight for the wedding day.
It’s all good in the hood if you’re active, working out and eating healthier. But starving yourself and manically doing cardio every day for six months isn’t the way to do it. In fact, if you somehow get so thin and in shape for your wedding…you’ll stare at those photos for years to come and literally hate yourself when you gain all that weight back. So instead, love yourself and your body. Future you will thank you.
Your wedding won’t be jinxed if you have a first look, you won’t be possessed by evil spirits if you don’t wear a veil, your marriage won’t fall apart if you aren’t a virgin on the wedding day.
Thou shalt not apologize on your wedding day (unless you’re really being an asshole).
So many brides (specifically women) apologize left and right.
“Sorry for asking if you could get me this.”
“Sorry for asking you to do what I’m paying you to do.”
“Sorry, but I need help with this.”
If the people around you make you feel like you need to apologize on your wedding day, you’re around the wrong people. Naturally, I’m not saying you should go around and be an asshole. But asking for someone to bring you water or even apologizing to me for asking for a photo with you mother….take a break, for a day, from apologizing.
Thou shalt not try not to plan your 120+ guest wedding without a coordinator.
Good heavens, DON’T DO IT. I wrote a blog right here about the difference between the various types of coordinators and planners, but no matter what you decide to do, do not try to coordinate a wedding above 30 people by yourself. You WILL regret it. I’ve stepped in to control the day once or twice, but it isn’t ideal. It takes away energy I need to be creative. So spend the money and save money/headaches/stress in the long run!
Thou shalt not give a 200+ shot list to your photographer before the wedding day.
Look, if you don’t trust your photographer to remember to photograph the first kiss or the first dance, don’t hire them. Period, A quality professional photographer will need, at most, a list of very important details that are unique (like gifts, letters), names of family members for portraits and any special event you’re keeping a surprise. That’s is. Anything else is overkill and not suggested. The last thing I want to be doing is continuously looking at a list, missing moments right in front of me, you know?
Thou shalt not forget to write your vendors reviews for their hard work.
Dude, look. I know you pay us to do our jobs and really, no one should expect anything more than a thank you for doing the bare minimum of what they’ve been paid to do. However, reviews are a HUGE reason why people hire certain vendors. We need them in this industry. If your vendor, say a DJ, goes above and beyond playing just music but cultivates a custom playlist, communicates well, keeps people on the dance floor (not every DJ can) and does other things other than show up and play songs…write a review saying how great it was. It keeps us going, especially when everyone is not as awesome as you.